I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Randomize
