My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
