I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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