your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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