life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
