y did u give ur computer a hand job?
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
