Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize