Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize