I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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