he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
