If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
