I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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