chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
