I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
