She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
how drunk are you?
Several
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
