I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
