My room smells like vodka and shame
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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