totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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