i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
