I hate your face
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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