Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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