Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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