ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
