Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
