apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
