So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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