Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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