i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
