Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i need an iv and a liver transplant
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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