So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
