The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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