I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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