When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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