Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
