Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
