I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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