we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Come share oat with me in your robe
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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