Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
