Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
