Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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