He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
