We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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