he puts the penis in happiness.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
