By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
