Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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