fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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