im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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