I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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