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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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