I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize