sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
