"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
