so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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