her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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