help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
