What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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