Pappa wants mamma naked
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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