Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
