I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
