absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
