I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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