just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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