I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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