im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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