Umm I'm too high to move.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
