wat bout pragnant strippers??
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
