Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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