Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
