Who did Billy Mays play for?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
