Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
