What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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