You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
