the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
