we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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