I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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