I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
