I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
