Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
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