i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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