her vagine was all disorganized.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Terrible idea I love it
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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