My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
