we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
this boner is exhausting
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
