My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
