just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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