I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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