Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize