Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize