There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
