I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
