my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
